Time

Do you ever feel like time is flying by faster than you can catch it?

I’m always afraid of losing time.

Today I was at the picnic with Karen, Becca, and Danielle. For a moment, I just laid down in the grass, staring up at the clear sky, sun warming my skin, listening to Florence and the Machine and Mumford and Sons in the background. And I had one of those moments where I feel like the whole world has stopped for me. But every time that happens, I snap out of it panicked.

How long will I remember this? Will I forget this by next week, next year? What if I lose this memory?

It scares me. I fret about all the other memories I must have left behind over the year.

After snapping into this panic, I asked Karen and Becca how long they thought they’d remember it. Karen responded something like, “It’s a nice day, I’ll probably remember it for a while.” Becca joked, “Forever and ever and ever!” I think I’m the only one who worries when I think about this stuff.

I got this overwhelming urge to take pictures, so I took a few with my computer. It made me feel a lot better. I think knowing I have the pictures makes me feel like I can look back and remember this later.

Maybe I’ll use this blog for that, too. Post things I don’t want to forget, hopefully along with pictures, so I can look back and remember everything I’m so afraid of forgetting. It’ll be nice to have this to read through when I’m older. It calmed me down to have the pictures and videos of today. Maybe I’ll start carrying a camera around more often.

Anyway, besides my weirdness, it was a really nice day. It felt great laying around outside. We should do it more.

But back to the time thing. Does anyone else feel like that? I constantly feel like time is flying by and I’m helpless. I feel like everything in my life is slipping by and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. That serene moment at the Green is already gone. My childhood is gone. My cousins will be grown up before I can ever really spend time with them as kids. Friends I used to not be able to imagine life without are gone. And for every memory I have of my past, I know there must be thousands I can’t recall.

It’s my life. The only thing I have. And I can’t remember all of it. So much of it is just gone.

It drives me crazy.

---

Stuff that happened, so I remember:

Songs I listened to:

Dog Days are Over – Florence and the Machine (this was most of the “moment”)

The Cave – Mumford and Sons

Jack Sparrow – Lonely Island

Good Gone Girl – Mika

Rolling in the Deep – Adele

The King of Carrot Flowers – Neutral Milk Hotel

Salty Eyes – The Matches

Quotes:

“The Healdsburg bakery Moustache has much better cupcakes than Hitler. I mean, Sift. Sift! Not Hitler. Though, I mean, it’s not THAT far off.” –Adam P.

Photos!

Decided to take a profile picture, haha

Becca, Karen, and me!

This.

Super sexy

Pirates!

Becca and Karen

So that was my day. All in all it was a lot of fun, I just wish I could relax and enjoy these things instead of worrying about how long I'll remember them.